Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient As A Way To Meet Up With Women And Connect With Girls

Last week one of my close friends asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He inquired about how to overcome fears that pop up sometimes - even when things are going great.

The truth is it is not an easy question to reply to considering that it varies from person to person. There are literally entire books which have been written on that subject alone. However, one of the best techniques I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.

Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are like steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will be impossible and you will not succeed. If you keep trying it over and over you may start building up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon stop trying anymore.

If you try to jump up five or six steps on your first try, it will also be scary - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences jumping that high you will fail too.

The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most comfortable way to climb a ladder.

Here are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears which pop up in meeting women and dating women:

As most guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially frightening. Therefore when I am approaching a beautiful woman in a social setting, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (which exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will find a way to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just appears that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of other people.

If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I don't ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just watch a movie at my house. If she doesn't want to get intimate she certainly won't want to be alone with me, getting cozy at my home. Or instead of trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.

These are some examples. When you feel uneasy and scared just try to think of a lower gradient that isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your goal. If you do this you will learn how to meet women and how to connect with them in a short time.

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